soooooo casual
scotia hille
Yes, I am free Sunday
to walk around the market
in our coats and scarves
and let your thumb
thumb-wrestle mine into place
within your fist.
I’m also free Saturday
or I could be– the truth is
that since last week I have
rarely stopped thinking
about folding myself
into your hands again and
Tuesday night was merely
respite, just momentary relief
and how sweet it was, but
so fleeting. Oh,
forgive me but I had
forgotten how nice it is to
have someone cup my elbows
like that, to traipse fingers
across those ridges between
my shoulders where my
earthly body meets
my cosmic mind.
I thought I had remembered
(I yearned, I pined), I was
doing just fine without,
but I was unprepared
and I am now finding it
difficult to be reasonable
and I want you to know
that I like you just as much
on flat feet and I can tell
you are the sort of guy who
wears too-small beanies in the
winter with the ears peeking
out, and the truth is I think
I want to be there to see it, I
want to unfreeze your
earlobes with the tips of my
fingers, maybe even Sunday,
after the market. I don’t
think it will be that
cold tomorrow but I could
make time if you want, there’s
some things I could cancel,
like the hour I blocked
off around midday
to replay what you said
about my freckles. The
truth is if you asked
me to come over tonight, the
slightest summon,
I would leave right now
and walk so slowly,
two millimeters a minute,
arrive barely after
dinnertime, so you’d
think I hadn’t
the time of day.
In fact, I am
increasingly worried
that since you kissed
me goodbye last week
and shut your door so
gently behind me,
I have only ever
been doing just that:
walking slowly back
to your place,
in every direction,
stopping at school
and job interviews
and the grocery store
on the way– I’m so
terribly busy, any
fool would mistake me
for living– but the truth
is I am a being on a
singular mission these
days, and the mission is
closing my eyes and
opening them
on Sunday.
Scotia is a writer and activist from Massachusetts. She is currently a masters student of urban climate change policy in Paris, France, a discipline that informs and is informed by her poetry. She is an avid reader and aspiring creator of work that draws from gentle and loving presents to envision a bold, safe, and just future for her generation.
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