girl dinner

CW: images of violence, gore/blood, harassment, rotten food, eating disorder.

oat meal. cereal & stale milk. burnt toast. overdue hard boiled and egg shell flakes, stuck between the horizon of gum & teeth, is the dawn moon. by that i mean yesterday’s breakfast by that i mean leftovers by that i mean me. & the dry skin on my lips, drawing blood like volcanoes erupting from chapped molehills. half melted ice cream, dethroned dairy queen, sweet soup, good soup. i slurp the bowl, sticky on sweeter liquids. please literally anything but water, u know i’m just a girl. by that i mean i want to eat like a child. by that i mean with my hands by that i mean popcorn, cheese strings, noodle cups. chips & wine pairings on weekends & by that i mean i’m in a permanent adult cosplay. cartoons & depression. cookies & taxes. dinosaur pasta & the meteorites that killed them. scattered & bloodied on the floor with my loose limbs and the star dried flies & their insatiable hunger for scrap. crumbs in my hair. stains on my dress. empty habits. sarcasm on my tongue. rotten tomato soups & their vines clinging onto me like mold. blue cheese & crackers. charcuterie boards. i only know to eat cold. by that i mean schoolyard dirt, bathroom sandwiches, plastic trays. by that i mean fucking raw meat by that i mean u & me & me & u & all of us in this horror coming of age, with all of its juicy coppery perpetual adolescence. dimmed cigarettes. rages & screams. smothered pickles. flaming hot cheetos. we long to be oh so feral but animals like us wake up in slaughterhouses with our butchered potentials. banned books. sweet chili. bite sized giggles & by that i mean girls are the dinner. by that i mean we all swallowed tears for food once, our inner cheeks the gelatin, ghost pain so poisonous we feel like throwing up, & losing our voices, & never knowing peace. by that i mean i lost my appetite at sixteen.